Radical Self Love & Self Care

Radical Self Love & Self Care

By Heather Brown, Licensed Massage Therapist, and Holistic Health Coach

We have learned messages about how to care for ourselves and what self-love is. What is self-care? What is self-love? They are not so much things we buy or do for ourselves as the life we cultivate for ourselves that creates a rich and luxurious sense of well being and joy from the inside out. Everyone’s list of favorite self-care and self-love routine is different. I decided to create my own list and share thoughts about each item and how I have come to this space to honor myself and my life in the way that feels right for me. I have made space for myself by releasing things that do not honor my higher self's wishes for a healthy and joyful experience. My wish for anyone out there reading is to find what feels right for you on a deeper level. 

 1. Meditate   2. Laugh   3. Gratitude & Intentions  4. Yoga   5. Walking

  6. Water     7. Food is Fun  8. Massage  9. Sleep, Rest & Renew

  10.  Epsom Salt Baths 

Meditate

My meditation routine has varied a lot over the last 6 years since I started meditating. After my divorce in 2012, I needed a way to release repetitive parts of my thought patterns that were hindering me from evolving into the person I really wanted to become. I meditated with many different groups (including Buddhist Monks and Priests) in Des Moines and learned lots of different meditation methods, all of which I found fascinating, liberating and fun. I was on my own, “Eat, Love, Pray” journey—as I called it. I needed to find out who I was underneath everything I was told I was or who I thought I was supposed to be. Some of the meditations I practiced were on my own. I found it helpful to practice on my own while hiking, when I woke up and when I went to bed. Some days my mind was filled with so much worry, ache, and pain that I needed a break from my own mental torture. More than anything this is one of my favorite ways of growing and finding my sense of purpose and joy in the world when I have forgotten my way.

Laugh

I’ve always loved laughing! I studied comedians and their backgrounds. Most comedians came from lives that were wrecked with similar dark times as I had felt or had in my life. For that reason, I really wanted to be like them. I wanted to bring joy into my life and the lives of others. I did and I have and will continue to be with others who can laugh in spite of the chaos. I surround myself with others who can find the silver lining no matter how bleak things may seem. Laughing has been scientifically proven to be one of the best medicines for a reason.

 Gratitudes & Intentions

The art of being thankful and grateful for everything in my life (even the awful things) changes my vibe to one that is filled with peace instead of negativity. I joined a group called the Intenders Circle about 4 years ago to help me manifest more love and abundance in my life and in the world. We read a wonderful list called, The Code out loud and write down our gratitudes and intentions. Then we share what we wrote down. It has helped me tremendously over the years and I can’t say enough about it. Find an Intenders Circle anywhere in the world or start your own circle. Setting intentions and taking action on those intentions gets us out of our minds and into solution mode versus just complaining. Anyone can complain. Those who want solutions find them easily and effortlessly. If you don’t want to join a group, simply write down a few gratitudes every morning and a few intentions for the day, week or year and revisit those every day or week. Make note of all of the intentions that were granted and how far you have come! The main thing is that if it isn’t for your highest good, don’t ask for it. I learned from one of the founders of the Intenders of the Highest Good is that things we manifest that aren’t for our highest good are called miscreations.

Yoga

I began practicing yoga with a video in 2000. It was called A.M. and P.M. Yoga. Then I bought a maternity yoga video in 2001 when I was pregnant with my first son. I began practicing yoga at the YMCA with a wonderful tribe of yoga moms who would change my life and viewpoint. I wasn’t sure I would be a good mom or how to be a loving mom when being a mom triggered so much feeling and emotion in me, including debilitating anxiety. Being with other moms who were mindful and caring helped me a lot in those first few years. I lost a lot of weight by practicing yoga which was my first taste of a form of meditation that was a moving meditation. It made my head hurt at first not to think all the time. I eventually learned to shut my mind down and take a break. It helped me to see my eating habits and patterns. I would eat for comfort, not just for nourishment. I would eat things that weren’t in my best interest. I learned to expand my consciousness to one that could fathom higher levels of being than where I was at that time. I remember thinking as a kid that I would never be a believer in yoga. Yoga means union. And I am grateful for the union I experienced on levels that were comforting to my heart and soul.

Walking

When I feel stiff from sitting or working, walking is my recipe for relief. I couldn’t get out of bed in February of 2018. It was the first time that my body hurt so much that I cried getting up. My chiropractor told me to rest. I stayed in bed for a few days but I only hurt worse. I got out of bed and started walking slowly around the block. I did that for a few days until I felt better. It was then that I knew I needed to always make time for walking. My life was out of balance and I needed to make sure I wasn’t on my feet all day to the point that I didn’t want to walk for fun. I loved walking with my Golden Retriever Shadow. She developed a large tumor on her forehead shortly after my episode of bed rest. I couldn’t get enough of being with her and walking. We loved going to our favorite spot to walk in the nearby forest preserve. Then her inoperable tumor became so large we had to have her put down. I cried for three months before her death. I couldn’t imagine walking without her at our favorite spots so I decided to take up low impact jogging to help me ease through the transition. I started with half a mile and worked my way up to 3 miles over the course of a few months. I felt great until suddenly my legs just couldn’t take anymore and I couldn’t even walk. It was painful to move. I vowed to listen to my body and just practice gentle exercise from then on. I grew up loving aerobics and weightlifting. Over the years I had had minor injuries at the gym that brought me the mindset that if I run, someday I may not be able to walk. So, I’m back to the belief that yoga and walking are my go-to exercises from now on.

Water

Water is life. I grew up in Houston and Austin, Texas. My relatives were all outdoor people. We spent a lot of time outside near beaches, rivers, and lakes. I grew up honoring water, nature and drinking water. I loved to swim. I still love water and feel it is one of the reasons I have been generally very healthy for most of my life. Our bodies need clean drinking water to function properly. I’ve never been a fan of drinking sugary drinks or juice and when I pay attention to who I want to look like when I am 70, they all have healthy eating and drinking habits. I honor my body and thirst by drinking water and carrying my water bottles with me wherever I go. It is an important habit that I have passed onto my sons. They even ask me to buy them new water bottles because they know it is important and makes them feel good. I am grateful I have passed that legacy onto them.

Food is Fun

I've always been surrounded by great cooks. For that I am grateful! They taught me how to have fun in the kitchen creating to my heart's content. I'm happy to say I knew the love of my life was for me because of our mutual foodie habits. I love going to the grocery store with a list of items to create a lovely meal with just a few items. I mix and match broths, veggies, grains, and a protein to create a soup, roasted meal or stir-fry. When I need inspiration I get a new cookbook from the Half Price Bookstore or look online. Going through Health Coach training has opened me up to a whole new world and ways of eating. Each season brings new ways I like to eat and will never follow any set diet that feels complicated or makes me feel hungry for more. I have done that and it created a binge eating situation for me after I realized it was unsustainable. I enjoy cooking enough food to last me for two or three days so don't need to cook every day. I appreciate others who inspire me to cook and feel my best. I found a wonderful doctor near me who made a cookbook for his patients, has veggies growing in the office and cookbooks for us to check out. Food is medicine. Farmers are our friends.  When my sons were little we volunteered on organic farms and my job on the farm was to cook and help in the garden while the men were in charge of the heavy work. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I was allowed to be creative and it was FUN! We can all find ways to make food fun and let our love of food be contagious for the next generation as my family and friends did for me. 

Massage

At age 44, I went to massage school. It was one of the most wonderful and healing experiences of my life. I learned that our bodies have muscle memory. Our bodies hold trauma and we can heal it with massage. I made amazing friendships and learned what radical self-care was made for. When we have physical or emotional baggage we don't feel our best. We are in pain and suffering. Regular massage can bring about huge results and help us transform our lives. We can feel joy again and we don't have to suffer in silence. I'm always amazed at the wonderful women and men I meet all the time who tell me that massage is their favorite self-care practice and how much it has changed their life. I personally feel that anyone can practice massage. I have friends who didn't go to school but they trade massages with their partner, friends, and children. It is an enriching experience that many other countries practice and teach to one another. There are many different modalities of massage and I believe they are all valid and helpful. 

Sleep, Rest & Renew

I'm like a princess when it comes to getting my rest. I grew up in a family that honored sleep and rest. I have lots of friends who have the mantra that they can sleep when they are dead. Well, some of them are dead now. That is no laughing matter but I can see the correlation. We must notice how we feel when we are rested versus running all the time. What is the point of running ourselves ragged if we don't feel well at the end of the day? I have friends who have retired and all they wanted to do was sleep. I honor that and now they are finally rested after years of being deprived of rest time. I love snuggling with my love at the end of the day and cocooning by myself if needed while I regain my strength. It is my way of honoring my natural rhythms which change all the time. Even my sons have gone through different times in life when they didn't feel like being forced to be social if they didn't feel like it. As much as I missed their company, I honor their needs to be left alone without guilting them.

Epsom Salt Baths

People swear by Epsom Salt Baths. I found out about them while I was in massage school. They help the body to heal from physical injury and they also contain magnesium which is a vital mineral that our bodies need to function properly. I sometimes take an Epsom salt bath every day if I am feeling fatigued and it helps my body repair and relax. 

I have about 30 self-care and self-love items I could list. These are just the ones I have found the most helpful to me. May you be infinitely blessed as I have to allow yourself the time to nurture your mind, body, and spirit with radical self-love and self-care. We are all worthy of finding time for ourselves. 

Much love,

Heather Brown